Pointless cantankerous rant #1

I cannot bloody wait to eat a steak.

When I get to Delhi, or if not, when I get home... or even halfway if I have a stop over at an airport. I am going to eat a steak.

I have pretty much become a vegetarian during my stay so far, and have been forced to in this particular town that is ultra religious. This place is so strict that you cannot buy booze, drugs, any form of meat or even eggs. Strangely enough we found a place that sells beer in tea pots and after dark we get offered everything from hash to opium, but I can not find a fucking omlette to save my life.

Now I must say that I am quite content with this new vegetarian thing. I feel fit and healthy, I eat a mountain of fruit every day and do not in any considerable way miss the taste or texture of animal flesh. In fact this eating the steak of which I talk has very little to do with the sensation of actually eating the steak.

This is the steak of vengeance.

This town, as many before, is full of cows, but here they are revered more highly and thier population in proportion to people here is far higher. If i didn't know better (and perhaps I don't) I'd almost think that these cows were running the show. They walk down the middle of every street, while people, bikes and cars move to the side. They saunter and sway right into your path, knowing full well you are there. Now these things I can deal with, they cause me little to no concern as I am absent for a reason to hurry and am happy to avoid these cud chewing demi-gods, but, I ask you;

What kind of sacred animal shits in the fucking street?

I am losing count of the amount of times I have been distracted by a foreign noise, go to look at an intriguing stall or casually stroll home, staring at the sky after a dinner of exotic wonders only to feel the ground under one foot fall with that unique softness and subtle drift from the course you suspected. Then that sting of realisation is sharp in my mind as I turn around to see the cow next to me look back with that blank stare that masks its patronising mind, laughing wholeheartedly at me, the fool.

Well I'll show you cow! You might be safe here, in this town, but I will eat your family and grow fat on the flesh of your sisters!! I will order you rare, I will order you medium, I will order you well done. I will order that you are burned beyond anything I could eat just so you can taste hell and hear me laughing for eternity. I will smother you in seeded mustard and I will chew on you slowly. I will feel your fibres between my teeth and your fibres, your blood and your body will feel the shape of my smile as you roll around my jagged mouth before being burned in the acid of my stomach.

I may have stepped in your shit, but this I can handle because one day soon... you will BE mine.